Life over the past few weeks...

     I guess I knew that writing a blog was going to be tremendously difficult. 2 kids, a full time job, house work. It doesn't leave much time for anything else does it? So my 25 days of Christmas was an epic fail. Maybe next year I'll be better at this and try again.

     Life has been a complete whirlwind of things the past few weeks! I haven't had a spare second for much of anything which is why I haven't written. It makes me really sad to say it because I absolutely am loving blogging so I want to post at least once a week if not more! Maybe I'll make it one of my New Year's resolutions. ;)
     I have settled into the new job. So far I like it a lot and I'm definitely starting to get to know and bond with my new co-workers and staff but I DEFINITELY miss my old co-workers and staff more than I ever would have imagined. Just thinking about it makes me tear up. But I know I can visit them (like yesterday when I had to go pick up some large cups because we ran out and they had some to spare) and hopefully even hang out with some of them soon. :)

 

 

This is what they wrote on the chalkboard at my old work on day 3 after I left. When I went there last night it was still there and they have kept up with it day by day. I love it. You have no idea how loved (and sad and happy) this makes me feel.

 

My days have been filled with A LOT of this. Coffee has been my life line. And I'm in love with my new mug. :) It says "I love you a latte" Hahahaha!

 

 

The Christmas season came and went far too quickly! But I certainly did enjoy every second of it. We made cookies and these cakes that we frosted. Gabe really enjoyed it and I definitely enjoyed watching him work.

 

 

This lady has been stuck with me a lot lately. We've done a lot of fun things and a lot of errands and craziness. I helped her move into an apartment much closer to me (YAY!!!) and we did some Christmas shopping together. We drove around the state of NH and MA one day moving a few boxes, getting keys to the new place and talking so much that I missed my exit and almost made my mom late for work. (Yikes!) She even came to the work company Christmas party with my as my guest because James couldn't make it. We had a great time! Just being together always makes everything more fun!

 

 

Gabe's Angry Birds ornament!

Sophia's first Christmas ornament! 

 My Christmas ornaments! "Dear Santa, All I want for Christmas is a Patriots victory!"
Tigger as Santa that Jenn bought me! And my snow baby that I fell in love with!

On Christmas Eve we went to James' brothers house where his brother dressed up as Santa and took pictures and gave presents to the kids. Gabe called him out on being Uncle Don immediately. Luckily, all the little ones are too little to notice. The second picture is Gabe with his beautiful cousin Charolette. And the last picture is Sophia and Uncle Don in their typical serious conversation. :)

 

Later that night Gabe and Sophia put their stockings under the tree together and Gabe brought out the milk and cookies for Santa. He was concentrating so hard because he was so afraid to drop them! It was adorable!

 

Santa had a hard time fitting everything in the living room and near the tree. We are all far too spoiled.

 

On Christmas morning both kids were very surprised and happy with their new gifts brought by Santa. It was such a wonderful Christmas with so much joy and happiness!

 

We did have to bring one of our cats to the emergency vet on Christmas but he is home now and is doing much better! Our Christmas is complete because Boots is all better and home with his family.

 

And right now... well I am happily blogging, drinking coffee and doing a great job at avoiding chores, while Sophia naps and Gabe plays outside with the neighbors!

Merry Christmas everyone! I hope your days were as wonderful and family filled as mine were!

 

(PS- Thanks for kicking me in the butt Amanda. I really have been missing blogging!)

 

 

 

Change is the big bad monster under the bed...

    I've said it before and I'm going to say it again.... Change is one of my least favorite things! Change is awesome and new and exciting... for like 5 minutes and then I start to FREAK OUT! I get all anxious and nauseated and dizzy. Ok, I am exaggerating a little bit. In all seriousness though, if I had to pick one thing that I was most afraid was hiding under the bed, it would be change. Change comes in every shape and size. It comes at you from every direction. Just because you know it's what your life needs does not mean that it's easy. Stepping out of your comfort zone, the comfort zone that you took so much time to create, takes a lot of courage; No matter what the change may be!
   I am here to say that I am stepping out of my comfort zone. That position I applied for... I got it! I think it really made a positive impact on my status within the company too, which is totally an added bonus! I am excited! I know a couple of people that work there. Mostly, I only know my new boss, but he's a good friend and a great guy! I'm really excited to be working for him again. I will be meeting a lot of new people, which is really scary for me. I'm not a shy person but I'm also not really the kind of person who gives off a very good first impression. I'm not exactly bubbly and giddy when I'm not in my comfort zone. However I am going to do my best to walk in and just be myself right off the bat, perhaps with a little (::cough cough:: A LOT) less sarcasm, for now anyway. I am going to try to look at it from the other perspective of change. It's not stepping out of my comfort zone, it's stepping into a new beginning. It's a new chapter and I can be the new and improved me. Honestly, I've been busting my butt lately to mend fences and keep a positive out look on life. I went through a not so good phase a few years ago and things went down hill faster than you could even imagine. I have, very thankfully, come out of that and really grown as a person since then.

   I want to keep growing! I want to keep reaching! I want to keep doing new, exciting and positive things in my life! Change is scary but also very necessary. Without change, you have no hope. Seriously, can you imagine being dreamless? Hopeless? Stuck? Without change that's exactly what you are. You're in a vicious, endless, cycle of monotony. I want to continue to strive for better! I want to be the best person I can possibly be! I want to change!

(Thank for posting this on my wall Tara!)

     Isn't that what we all want? We want to make sure that we are doing everything in our power to be our best? This change has only just begun and I know it was the right decision because it reminded me that there is more out there. There is a world of endless possibilities to try and achieve! That nervous, anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach? That is the feeling of living. That is the feeling of trying. That is the feeling of being my best self. So if that feeling needs to be there so that I can be assured that I am living my life to the fullest potential... I'll take it. I want to show myself and my kids that this is how life should be. You have to work hard to earn the things that you want in life. I think that's something we forget from time to time, especially if you've been complacent in your job for a long time, like I have. I needed this as a reminder that this is how I want to live my life, motivated and striving for success! Having things handed to me is not the way I want it. It doesn't feel nearly as good that way.

    So big bad scary change monster under the bed, I am not afraid of you getting me in the middle of the night! I will fight you off with my flashlight! I am ready. I am determined. I can do this! 





Night time adventures!

   Last night I needed a break. The kids running around wild was starting to get to me. So I decided that after I put the kids to bed I would head out for a short Target mental health break. My friend Liz decided to join me, probably for the same reason (and she has 4 kids! How does she do it?!?!). I mean, going to walk around Target, pretty much aimlessly is so calming! It was only an hour but it really was just the break I needed to rejuvenate myself.
   The best part is, this trip totally ties into my Christmas theme! Some of the things I bought were some super cute Christmas things!

   The Christmas countdown chalk board was in the $1.00 bins (which are my favorite!) I have been wanting to get a countdown board for a while so this worked out perfectly. I also bought a set of these little star ornaments for my tree. This midnight glittery blue is my favorite! All of my Christmas bulbs are from Target because my cats love to attack them! Plus, they're super cute! But I have never seen this color before and since I have a ton of big bulbs I decided these little stars in these colors were perfect! And seriously... the diaper... I cannot get over the elf and Santa diapers. They are too cute! Both Liz and I bought a package of them. We had the exact same reaction to them! We just stopped in our tracks, said awwww and grabbed a package in our babies size! It was too funny! It was such a mom moment!
   I am still loving the Christmas spirit! It's really warming my heart and making it so much easier to deal with the winter than is finally upon us. (yuck!)

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

    So I guess I need to be a little bit more realistic with my own expectations about my Christmas posts. I will try and do one every other day from now on since that is what it looks like I will have the time for! Life has been a whirl wind of Christmas lately! We have so many Christmas decorations all over my house right now it's crazy! I've never had so many before! My mom is Christmas crazy so that is why we have so many but it feels really nice to walk into the house to a Christmas wonderland! I'm certainly enjoying every second and so are the kids! Gabe is at the perfect age to be super excited about Christmas and Sophia is just loving all the new things around her! She is really into the Christmas lights that are glowing everywhere... I guess she's just like her mama. ;)

 

 

I'm loving using all the Christmas dishes and towels and staring at the lights when I have the time!

The Mickey snow globes came from my brother's work for free. He didn't even know what they were but they said Disney on the box and took them for me.

I can't wait to go out and look at Christmas lights somewhere! I'm so excited!

 

I may have some super awesome information coming your way soon! Some big life changes are happening soon and even though I'm scared to death I'm looking forward to a new chapter! Stay tuned! :)

Trimming the Tree

    I guess I already failed at posting one Christmas thing everyday for the 25 days of Christmas. I am hoping to post two things today but it may not happen. Yesterday we decorated both the trees while listening to Christmas music! Gabe had a really good time and it was really awesome to have family time. This year we have a lot of extra ornaments because my mom is living with us and has all of hers going back to when I was a baby. I, also, still need to get Sophia her first Christmas ornaments! But here are some of my current favorite ornaments and some quick pictures from while we were decorating!

25 days of Christmas

    Merry 25 days of Christmas! I am so excited that the Christmas season is finally here! I am going to try and post something everyday until Christmas that is Christmas related! Our Christmas traditions have officially started. Advent calendars, Elf on a Shelf for Gabe (our Elfs name is Picture, Pic for short), we have 2 trees this year a big tree and a small tree, I've been listening to Christmas music non-stop on Pandora (Nsync Christmas station is my jam! Haha). I can't stop drinking Peppermint Mocha's from Starbucks! I am going to be so sad when the season is over!  

I hope everyone is enjoying the start of their Christmas season as much as I am! 

Reasons to be Thankful

    I think sometimes the holidays tend to get lost in all the hustle and bustle. The traveling, the food, the preparations, the decorations, the lights, etc. etc. etc. I, personally, worked a lot of holidays, just wanting the holiday pay and not caring about the holiday itself. That all changed once I had a family of my own. Now I can't imagine having to go to work on a holiday. Especially now that Gabe knows what they are! I had to work two Christmases ago when he was 3 and he just kept asking me why I had to leave him on Christmas. I literally bawled the entire way to work and probably for most of my shift. I never want to have to do that again. If I had to work I would make due, but I am lucky enough to have people around me who understand that I have young children and don't mind working themselves.
   Since that dreadful Christmas night going to work, I have vowed to embrace the holidays and enjoy every minute that I can with my family and friends. Since it is Thanksgiving, I want to take some time to list some of the things I am thankful for. I want to try and do this every year so that I can look at the past years things and compare them. I want to list whatever I am thinking, no matter how big or small it is.

I am thankful for....

- my kids, obviously.
- my fiancé, even when I want to punch him.
- my friends because they're always there for me and they're awesome!
- my family. Even when they're on my last nerve I know it's because they love me and have my best interest at heart.
- my best friend and all the time she makes for me in so many ways.
- snail mail because it always lifts my spirits
- my bed because the sheets are so soft, the comforter is so comfy and it's oh so warm and snuggly.
- Sophia's baby smell. It literally calms me every time I smell her.
- my car starter and seat warmers. It has been so cold and windy. It's so nice to get into a warm car!
- movies. Even though it makes work crazy I love it when a good movie comes out.
- my work. I would lose it if I couldn't get out of the house. Plus, I enjoy my job.
- hot showers. Sometimes I can't even function and a hot shower cures all.
- Starbucks peppermint mocha lattes. Enough said.
- lavender vanilla Yankee Candles. They're so relaxing.
- the feeling that Christmas season is here!
- my cats. They're so cuddly and needy and I give me so much love when I need it.
- my faith. It keeps me rational when I just want to freak out.
- the feeling of a good change potentially coming soon. Change can be so good sometimes!
- football. Everything about football makes me happy... except when the Patriots lose.
- my Patriots snuggie. I love love love it!
- music.
- texting. Keeping in touch via constant texting is such a wonderful tool.
- facebook and instagram. It's a silly feeling but getting a notification is awesome!
- smartphones.
- this blog. It really gives me, me time even just for a brief second and I love to write!


There are a million things I am thankful for so I think I will stop there! Take some time today to think about all that you are thankful for!

You are enough.

    A friend posted this article on my facebook wall today, about and by my favorite actress, Sophia Bush (pictured above from my favorite TV show One Tree Hill). I absolutely love her because of all of the things she stands for and does. There were so many amazing things about this article that I fell in love with. Self wealth is such a big thing. Everyone seems to think that life is about having a lot of expensive things and that it makes you a worthy person. Why is that how we define ourselves and other people? Why do we judge people based on what they drive, or text with, or carry their kids diapers in? Why do we let our fears define and mold our lives?
   I, myself, have a very nice car, a nice android HTC smart phone, decent clothes and jewelry and I wondered, do I define myself by the things that I have? Do I need these things to be happy? So I wanted to share some things that make me feel like the wealthiest person in the world and give me all the self worth that I could need.

1) My kids. Every time I see them smile, hear them laugh, or watch them accomplish something new, I could not feel more self worth. There is nothing that makes me feel more important than when I am shaping the lives of my children. I love my children more than anything and I don't really need anything to give me more self worth than that.
2) My fiancé. The way he looks at me and the little things that he says or does to show me that he loves me still make my heart skip a beat, even after 6 years together. He drives me absolutely crazy and insane and makes me want to punch him at times, but the love that we share is greater than any love I've ever experienced (with the exception of my children).
3) My family and friends. Having a support system that is always there to help me, no matter what the circumstance, is an incredible feeling. It makes me feel like I must be doing something right to keep these people in my life and have them be so amazing to me. It makes me appreciate each and every person in my life in a different way.
4) My job. My job is by no means glorious. Yet it makes me feel good about myself. Not because I feel empowered by my title or anything but because I know that I am providing for my family. I don't make a lot of money but I do make enough to provide a roof over our heads and put food on the table. I also know that in my position I am teaching my employees how to be good workers and, I hope, inspiring them to be better people. I hope that the way I treat them and the customers inspires them to treat other people well and just enjoy what they do, no matter what it is.
5) Myself. I have always been pretty good at being myself. I am who I am. I tell the truth. I'm a goofball. I'm sarastic and silly and probably a little overbearing. But I love who I am and embrace it. I'm not saying I don't have moments of self doubt but I try to live my life in a way I can be proud of. A way that is uniquely me.
6) This blog. It may sound silly but this blog is the first thing I have consistently done in a long time that is 100% for me. It is a way for me to express myself and get out some of my feelings. It feels good to have things to say and stories to tell and I hope that at least one person who reads this gets something out of it each time.
   There are a lot of areas of self wealth and self worth I need to work on. The biggest one for me is my self image. 99% of the time I am not confident in my own skin. I am constantly judging my appearance and weight and thinking I am not good enough. It has kept me from doing a lot of things that probably would have made me happy. When you are not confident in your appearance you can't really be confident in yourself. What you look like shouldn't even matter in regards to who you are and what you do. Plus, I am beautiful in my own way. I will never be in the Victoria Secret Fashion show but I should be able to look at myself and feel good. I am a mom with two gorgeous children. That should be enough to make me see how beautiful I really am. They make me beautiful in a million different ways. My personality makes me beautiful in a million different ways. Beauty is what you make it. And I am beautiful.
   Self wealth and self worth are something we all should stop and take some time to think about. Self wealth isn't about money or material things. It's about who you are and the people you surround yourself with. I'm pretty sure I've said it before and I will say it again... just do you. Don't worry about what people think or what they're doing. Do what feels right to you and be the best person you can be. What you have is enough. What you do is enough. Who you are is enough. You are enough.

Enjoy the ride

    All day yesterday I was feeling a little guilty. I had plans to take the kids to a friends about an hour and a half away after she got home from school around 5. I planned to get there at 5 but knew that it would be past Gabe's bed time by the time we left to go home and it was a school night. Not only did I really want to see my friend but we were taking Christmas photos of the kids and this was probably our last opportunity before it got too far into the Christmas season. I have to get those Christmas cards made so I can send them out! All day I had this terrible guilt looming over my head. I told myself it was just one night, I wasn't being selfish and that he would be fine.
    It was 8:30 by the time we started to head home. Sophia was asleep before we left the parking garage. Gabe was getting there very quickly. Looking at the clock a wave of guilt, yet again, washed over me. Then my phone lit up and I could see the new wallpaper I had just put on it. (The actual pictures that my friend took are going to be a million times better but here's one that I took) This is what I saw.

 

   The feeling of guilt went away and some new feelings replaced it. Peace. Love. Joy. I realized that I can never get these moments back with the kids at this exact age, at this exact moment, during this exact season. Sure, there will be other Christmases. Yes, there will be other picture opportunities. But there will never be another today. Another, first Christmas for Soph and 6th Christmas for Gabe. They will never be at the stages they are now, together, as a brother and sister, the way they are now.
   It was one night. One special night we got to spend together and do something fun and memorable. I am not saying that I will keep Gabe out past his bed time every night but I don't regret doing it last night. The best part is, they both slept the whole car ride home, Gabe went right into bed when we got home, and then woke up this morning with no issues. He was in a fantastic mood as he went off to school.
   I think most of the time you have to follow the rules and structure of your everyday life. I also think that sometimes you just have to live in the moment and embrace every single second that you can. People are not supposed to feel guilty for enjoying their time! (I really need to work on that) Rules are meant to be broken. Life is meant to be lived! Everything goes by so fast and we're always run, run, running to the next thing. Sometimes you just need to slow down, take a drive to a friends with two (yes two) venti peppermint mocha lattes, a marshmallow dream bar for Gabe, a sleeping Sophia and enjoy the ride. Enjoying the ride... isn't that half the battle?

(Sneak peak of the photos taken by my friend! SO adorable!)

Being true to myself

Change is something that doesn’t come naturally to me. I am pretty sure it doesn't come naturally to anyone. It's just not human nature to enjoy big changes. When it comes to a big change I get really nervous and anxious. It’s that hide under the covers, knot in the pit of your stomach, crawl out of your own skin, kind of feeling. I’m a huge control freak. I don’t like being uncertain, uncomfortable, unknown. I need to know where I’m going, what I’m doing, who I’m with. I need to be the “driver” (metaphorically and physically because I do actually drive 99.9% of the time when I’m going somewhere with people).
There has been the potential for a change in my professional environment for a while now. Yesterday, I had to take the leap and see where I land. There’s a chance nothing could come of it. There’s a chance that everything could change. It’s honestly not that huge of a change but for me, it certainly feels like it is. I know it’s a good change and I know that it is one that will work for me, probably a lot better than I can even imagine. Yet every time I think about it, I feel like I'm gonna lose it. It’s not that I don’t want it; it’s that I’m scared. What if I fail? What if it’s a bad change? What if it’s the wrong decision for my family? The only thing I could think to do was take a step back. First of all; I don’t know that anything is going to change. Second of all; there is nothing I can do to make it happen any faster, slower or stop. I’ve put myself out there and taken the leap. No, I don’t know where I will land and there is nothing scarier than that. I don’t know if the fall will hurt or bounce me back up where I belong. So I put it in God’s hands. He will make the right decision for me and my life. I have made the right decision by putting myself out there and trying and He, and only He, can make the decision of what is best for me and my family. Knowing that is going to help whatever answer comes from this, be a lot easier. I will know that it is the right decision for me. I will know that if I need a change and this doesn't work out, I need to go in a different direction. There are so many things that I want to do in this life. I have an amazing family, so I can check that off my list. Still, I want to go back to school. I want to do something that means something to me. I want to find my passion! I want to find new hobbies and activities to do and enjoy. I have a lot of life left to live and playing it safe just isn’t going to cut it. I need to leap. I need to put myself out there. I need to believe in myself and my abilities and my determination.

 





I think being a mom sometimes holds me back outside my home environment. I am always going to do what is best for my family but I think sometimes, I might use that as an excuse. Being a mom and being true to me need to collide in the center! I need to mesh the two halves of myself together and base my life around that part, not both parts separately. This change, regardless of the outcome, has changed me. It has made me realize that I’m not being everything that I can be. It has made me realize that I want to be more than I’m being. It has made me realize that I need to push myself to do the things that matter to me. This change in me, it wasn’t scary or hard. It didn’t cause anxiety or stress. It made me realize that there are two parts to me and I am hiding behind one of them. It’s time to unite them and become the best that I can be, professionally, as a person, as a mother... As myself.

 

 

Where are you Chirstmas?

     I love the holidays. I love all the holidays. Easter, Independence day, Thanksgiving, New Years, Valentine's Day. I just love the excuse to decorate or send cards or spend time with my family. My absolute favorite is Christmas. I think I could listen to Christmas music and watch Christmas movies all year long. I guess if I did that it might not be as special but I absolutely love Christmas things. I love it at Christmas time when you turn on the TV and all of those cheesy, romantic, super lame Christmas movies are on Lifetime and Hallmark channels. You probably stop and watch 5 minutes and wonder, who on earth watches this crap? Well, that would be me! My fiancée makes fun of me pretty much every day during December.

     What is it that makes Christmas so special? It's not about getting presents. I honestly couldn't care less if there was nothing under the tree for me. There is nothing that brings me more joy than watching Gabe on Christmas morning or giving my mom a gift that makes her cry. I love that feeling that you get when someone loves the gift you got them and it's so special to you because you picked that thing specifically just for them. I love walking into the crazy hustle and bustle of the mall that is completely decked out in Christmas decor and just wandering around. Most people hate the crowds of Christmas but it calms me. I shouldn't even start on how much I love Christmas lights... it's like the ultimate symbol of Christmas to me.
     I think most of how much I love Christmas comes from my mom and my grandmother. My mom has always been huge on Christmas and making sure it is special. I also lived with my grandparents for a few years while I was in high school. My grandmother LOVED Christmas. Every year since I was a baby they would put thousands of Christmas lights all the way up the driveway, around the yard and on the house. There was nothing more magical to me growing up than driving up the driveway while everything was lit up with arches going over you and ropes up the sides, Santa and his reindeer in the yard. It was just an incredible feeling that I hope to pass on to my children.
   I wish the Christmas season lasted longer. I know that every year it seems to come earlier and earlier and yet it just isn't enough time to really enjoy it. I want to bask in Christmas for a lot longer than 4 to 6 weeks! It just goes by way too quickly and after I had Gabe it started to go by even faster! Now that I have two kids I feel like it's going to go by so quickly I'm not even going to notice that it came and went! So I am making a list of things I want to make sure that I do this holiday season.



- Christmas photos with the kids

(This project has already begun! And it was super fun and cute the first time! Can't wait for more!)

- Make Christmas cookies with the kids

- Get a big, real Christmas tree

- Decorate the tree

- Decorate the house

- Drink tons and tons of peppermint mocha!

(I'm great at this one!)

- Watch Christmas movies

- Drive around to look at Christmas lights

- Do a sleigh ride

- Go Christmas shopping

- Make a Gingerbread house

- Enjoy my time with the kids and fiancée

- Listen to Christmas music

- Go ice skating

- Wear sweaters
- Turn all the lights off and drink hot cocoa while looking at the Christmas lights
- Bring the kids to see Santa
- Write letters to Santa

13 things you might not know about me yet

1. I have a love affair with the number 13. It has been my number for as long as I can remember. There is no real rhyme or reason behind it, it just is. During middle school and high school it used to pop up on an exceptionally good day or sometimes when I needed some guidance in a specific direction. I have since realized that that was probably all in my head but I still love the number 13. (I also have a favorite letter. Is that weird?)
2. I am obsessed with Taylor Swift. It all started with a car ride to the seacoast with a friend to watch some of my guy friends play soccer. She had a new album by a new artist and we listened to it on the way there and on the way home. Ever since then I haven't been able to get enough of T. Swizzle. I have seen her 3 times in concert at Gillette Stadium and I just really enjoy her.
3. Alex and Ani bracelets are my favorite! I got my first one in June (The Queen's Crown, of course) and have been hooked ever since. When they announced that they were coming out with NFL bracelets I thought I was going to explode with excitement! They're just so fun and easy!
4. I really enjoy getting new notebooks and planners. Most of the time I use them for a while and then just move on to a new one because I enjoy getting them so much. I honestly don't know what the appeal is other than my OCD and just loving to write but I love a new notebook or planner.
5. I am a little too honest sometimes. I am the type of person who really doesn't like to lie. I think there are times when I may be a little too honest. I don't try to be hurtful but there are a lot of moments where I really should have kept my mouth shut or thought through what I was going to say before I said it. It's something that I really need to work on. However, it is also something that I like about myself as long as I say things the correct way.
6. I don't like bars. I like going to clubs and dancing but I cannot stand going to bars. I don't know what it is about bars that make me feel uncomfortable but they are just not my scene. I would much rather go to a club and dance or go out to a restaurant and sit at a table to have a drink.
7. I have a hard time saying no to the people I love. Most of the time, I have no problem telling people no. But when it comes to the people in my life that I care the most about, my kids, fiancée, mom, brother, and closest friends, I cannot say the word no to save my life unless I absolutely have no other option.
8. I sometimes feel like a teenage girl. I have a lot of likes that make me feel like I'm still a teenager. I love Disney, princesses, Taylor Swift, anything glittery, cheesy romantic movies, things that light up and glow. It's like part of me forgot to grow up.
9. I adore movies. I enjoy all kinds of movies from romantic comedies, to action, to comedies, to drama... I really like a little bit of everything. I am a manager at a local movie theater and I guess that working with the theater for almost 10 years now has rubbed off on me because I really enjoy all kinds of movies.
10. Driving is my passion. It doesn't matter where, it doesn't matter what time or day or what the weather is. I just love to drive. I love to drive with the windows down with the music blasting. I love to drive in the snow when no one else is on the road and everything is just covered in white and completely quiet. Driving clears my mind and makes me feel like I am in control of my life.
11. The ocean is my safe place. When I go to the ocean I feel so close to God and my faith. I really don't know why. I think it's just the vastness of the ocean and the beauty of it all. It just makes me so grateful for all that I have. It makes me feel so alive. If I know I need some clarity, that's where I go. Whether it is warm or cold, it is the place I go to rejuvenate myself and my faith.
12. I hate mold... and bees... For some reason the two things that I cannot handle are mold and bees. One look at mold makes me want to vomit. Enough said there. If a bee is anywhere within my eye sight, my bee-dar goes off and I am running as fast as possible in the other direction. I have jumped into freezing cold water to get away from a bee. I have laid down on a hill and rolled away from a bee that was flying my face. There is no logical reason for it. I just hate them.
13. I am an open book. I will pretty much tell anyone, anything about myself (not about other people). I am not afraid to be who I am. I am not embarrassed about who I am or my life choices. I wear my heart on my sleeve. You can probably tell my mood from one look on my face. That's just who I am.

So there are 13 things that you may not have known about me yet. Now you do!

Birthdays and toys and giving; Oh my!

   This week has been a total whirlwind! It was full of work, the kids, peppermint mochas from Starbucks (I just can't get enough) and more work. It certainly wasn't a bad week but the highlight was definitely Gabe's birthday party on Saturday. He turns 5 on November 18th. I do not know where the time went or how in the blink of an eye he went from a baby to a 5 year old boy. He decided this year to have his party at Chuck E Cheese. It was crazy but an absolutely blast. When I was buckling him into the car at the end of it all, he said "This was the most fun and best day of my life!" It made me so happy to hear him say that.

 

 

Deciding on a cake this year was quite the fiasco. He went back and fourth 6 times before deciding on Lightening McQueen which we have done for 3 out of 5 birthdays.

 

That was the table of kids at the party. Kids from Gabe's class, our friends kids, the turn out was incredible and it's so awesome to have so many amazing people in our lives.

 

Blowing out the candle on his 5th birthday cake!

 

Dancing with Chuckie!

 

Gabe and his friend Sylar waiting for the ticket blaster to start. Boy did they enjoy this. I think it was the part he was most looking forward to.

We all had a great time. It was awesome to get to know some of the parents from Gabe's classmates and to spend time with our family and friends. It was definitely hectic and a little overwhelming but it ended up being a fantastic day.

When we went home Gabe got to open all of his presents. It looked like a toy bomb had exploded all over my living room. He is so lucky and very spoiled by our amazing family and friends. I found him acting a little bit ungrateful. I know that he's only 5 and he can't understand how lucky he is so I decided to try something to make him see just how lucky he is.

I made him pick one of the presents that he received to give to someone who needs it more than he does. It is definitely the time of year where it will be easy to find a place that needs the toy. I am going to have him wrap it himself and go with me to drop it off. I hope that it teaches him to be grateful for all of the amazing things that he has in his life. He is an amazing kid with a big heart and I want to teach him to stay giving and caring. I hope that it is a tradition that we can carry on for a long time and that he learns to love and appreciate.

It was a wonderful weekend and an experience we will all remember for a long time.

Only God can judge me

   One of the things I have decided to work on in the month of November is judging other people. It is human nature to judge others. I do not believe it is something that can be shut off. So, I have been trying really hard to make judgments of people based on the good that I see and not the bad! If I catch myself thinking something negative about someone, I try to turn it around and change the judgment I just made, into a positive. I hope that by doing this I will be looked at differently and not judged based on my situation. I love my situation! I made some mistakes and they changed my life. I wouldn't take those "mistakes" back for ANYTHING! Did I see my life going this way? No, I didn't plan it. Yet my life ended up exactly where it needs to be. My life went in the exact direction that it was supposed to. 

   You see, every single day I feel as though I am being judged. Specifically, for having two children out of wedlock. Sure, I'm engaged and what we're really waiting on is our financial situation to be better before making real wedding plans. Yet, on a daily basis I feel like there are people judging my life choices. I understand that people are going to judge you. I understand that you cannot make everyone happy. I completely understand that the only person you have to make happy is yourself. That is exactly what I tell myself when I feel like I'm being judged. James and I are happy. Really happy. We love our two beautiful children more than words can even begin to describe. We love our life together. Does a big ceremony or an official government document make our life together more real?
  I do understand that many people believe that marriage should come before things like, sex, moving in together, having kids. I grew up learning to believe those things. I haven't talked about my faith yet, have I? I believe in God. Truly and deeply with all of my heart, I believe in God. I have a very strong faith. I may not go to church every Sunday. I may use the Lord's name in vain, which is a habit I'm trying to break, but I still have a very good relationship with God. I do not believe that God is watching my life and thinking "You are a sinner. You will never go to heaven because you have two amazing children out of wedlock."
   Back in the biblical days, things were completely different. The world has evolved. Are we really too closed minded to believe that God hasn't evolved with it? As long as our basic morals, ethics and belief in God is the same, do we really think that he judges us and condemns us for evolving our faith to match the evolution of the world? I, personally, do not. I believe that as long as I love God, put my faith and trust in Him, He will be there for me.
  
"Where you are right now is God's place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life."

  I do not know where this quote came from but it is exactly how I feel. I love my life. I love my fiancée. I love my children. I love God. I know that where I am right now is absolutely God's place for me. He has had a plan for me all along. Even when I thought I was making the worst mistakes of my life, all I was doing was learning and growing and becoming the exact person I was meant to be with the exact life I was meant to have. My everyday life is not perfect. Everyday there is a new obstacle for us to over come. I wouldn't trade a single one of those obstacles for anything. There is no where in the world I would rather be than right here, in God's place for me. So let people judge. Let them think whatever they want to think. Let them believe whatever they want to believe. I don't want to care what other people think of me. I am living my life the way I believe it needs to be lived. You see, the truth is, only God can judge me.....

A sigh of release

   I sit at the kitchen table. The house is completely silent. Gabe is downstairs at the neighbors. Sophia is asleep. The boys are both out. My mom is at work. None of the TV's are on. No one is asking me for anything. Even the cats are asleep! There is only one light on in the whole house. It's dark everywhere except where I am. There is nothing but silence and darkness.
   I breathe a sigh of release. Yes... release. Tension, stress, irritation, drama... I release these things with just one sigh. I don't want to do anything. Yup, there's a pile of dishes. Sure, I could take the time to catch up on some TV. I definitely need to switch the laundry. But I don't want to move. Not even an inch. If I move, the silence will end. My time of complete and total quiet will be gone. If I move even a millimeter, it's all over. I just need 5 minutes... five minutes with absolutely nothing in my brain. 5 minutes of no one asking me anything. 5 minutes to breath a sigh of release.
  I actually ended up getting about 6 minutes before I hear Gabe come back up the stairs with Lola. Sure enough, the sound returns to my life. Gabe and Lola wake up Sophia. She's hungry. I take care of them, switch the laundry, do the dishes. But for that 6 minutes... I had just enough release to get me through the week. I've heard mediation is amazing... and now I know why. If that is what meditation feels like, blocking out the whole world for a little while and just entering yourself... well it's an incredible feeling!
   Being a parent is hard. Being in a relationship is hard. Being a daughter, a sister, a friend, a manager at work, a cook, a maid, a nurse.... it's all hard. How do you keep yourself sane!?! Well for me, it's simple. 5 minutes of complete and total silence from anything and everything. You can take this silence in the car, kitchen, bathroom. It makes no difference. 5 minutes of absolutely nothing is enough to get me through when I feel like I'm about to lose it. Granted it is NOT easy to find the silence. It is not easy to make 5 minutes when you have 2 kids and a house full of people. There are 100 ways that I use to keep myself sane. Blaring and belting a good song at the top of my lungs when I'm alone in the car. Dancing with myself or the kids. Watching a good movie or TV show after the kids are asleep. Time with my friends. Dates with my fiancée. There are a million things that keep me sane. Yet I have found NOTHING as amazing as 5 minutes of silence and a sigh of release.
  So if you can, no matter who you are or what your situation is, kids, no kids, even if you are a kid, find 5 minutes and take a deeeeeeep breath and then let it release everything. Just for 5 minutes, let it ALL go. And enjoy!

Halloween '13

   I'm a little delayed on this but I wanted to post some pictures from our Halloween adventures this year. We did a lot of things this year like carving and painting pumpkins, making a Haunted ginger bread house, "Truck"-or-Treating at a near by high school, Trick or Treating in our neighborhood with friends and family. Time tends to fly by really fast when you have kids so I have to really make the time to accomplish holiday tasks. Realistically, it's not even for the kids. Every holiday I share with them is so special and important to me! I enjoy the time with them so much and the joy that it brings them is wonderful to me. So here's a little picture show from our Halloween holiday together!

 

Gabe called this his "Scary Halloween House". Some friends of ours brought it over and worked on it with Gabe. Ashley is 17 and one of Gabe's favorite people in the world. They worked on it together and Gabe had a blast doing it!

 

These are our pumpkins from this year. The Cinderella one is mine. The Angry Bird is Gabe's. The clown that is throwing up is James'. The little one with the stars as eyes is the one we craved for Sophia. And the one on the bottom stair is my brother's that Gabe and our neighbor's daughter, Lola, painted and then Gabe for some reason continuously stabbed with a  pumpkin pick.

 

Sophia's Cinderella costume.

 

Gabe wore 3 different costumes this year. He was Thor in this picture. This was a picture from "Truck"-or- Treating at a local high school. They had the high school students at the trunks of their cars passing out candy. They also had some of the classrooms with different Halloween activities. The room in this picture was carnival games with little prizes for the kids. They also had a haunted "house" room, a room that was playing Monsters University, and the cafeteria had pizza and stuff you could buy. It was a really great experience for the kids!

 

These are the cookies I made for Gabe's class party. I cheated and used the pre-made cookies from the store. Yet somehow, as usual, I ran out of time and still had to stay up until 1:00AM making them.

 

This was Sophia the morning of Gabe's school parade. She was not thrilled with her snow suit we put her in but it was FREEZING that morning.

 

Gabe was Lightening McQueen for his school parade. The super hero costumes both had inappropriate "weapons" that he would have wanted to bring so we used a costume from 2 years ago. 

 

This was this years costume. He was Hulk and he loved every second of it!

 

This is Gabe, talking to Grandma with his dad behind him.

 

Gabe LOVED this cat. After I took the picture he told me "Yay, now it's a memory!"

 

Gabe was Hulk, Lola (one of the 4 daughters of our neighbors) was La-La-Loopsy, Camila (my friend's daughter) was also Cinderalla, and Ryan (one of the other girls from our neighbors) was a rock star!

 

The pumpkins all lit up.... Cinderella didn't make it to Halloween...

 

There are our neighbors pumpkins!

 

This was my brother, our friend Nate, and our neighbor, Wayne giving out candy from our porch on Halloween night!

    Overall, Halloween was a great success and a fantastic memory! We had a lot of our friends with us (some of which are unfortunately not pictured here), we love our neighbors (who are also great friends) and their children and we had a fantastic night with them! It was certainly a Halloween to remember!