Friday, November 8, 2013

Only God can judge me

   One of the things I have decided to work on in the month of November is judging other people. It is human nature to judge others. I do not believe it is something that can be shut off. So, I have been trying really hard to make judgments of people based on the good that I see and not the bad! If I catch myself thinking something negative about someone, I try to turn it around and change the judgment I just made, into a positive. I hope that by doing this I will be looked at differently and not judged based on my situation. I love my situation! I made some mistakes and they changed my life. I wouldn't take those "mistakes" back for ANYTHING! Did I see my life going this way? No, I didn't plan it. Yet my life ended up exactly where it needs to be. My life went in the exact direction that it was supposed to. 

   You see, every single day I feel as though I am being judged. Specifically, for having two children out of wedlock. Sure, I'm engaged and what we're really waiting on is our financial situation to be better before making real wedding plans. Yet, on a daily basis I feel like there are people judging my life choices. I understand that people are going to judge you. I understand that you cannot make everyone happy. I completely understand that the only person you have to make happy is yourself. That is exactly what I tell myself when I feel like I'm being judged. James and I are happy. Really happy. We love our two beautiful children more than words can even begin to describe. We love our life together. Does a big ceremony or an official government document make our life together more real?
  I do understand that many people believe that marriage should come before things like, sex, moving in together, having kids. I grew up learning to believe those things. I haven't talked about my faith yet, have I? I believe in God. Truly and deeply with all of my heart, I believe in God. I have a very strong faith. I may not go to church every Sunday. I may use the Lord's name in vain, which is a habit I'm trying to break, but I still have a very good relationship with God. I do not believe that God is watching my life and thinking "You are a sinner. You will never go to heaven because you have two amazing children out of wedlock."
   Back in the biblical days, things were completely different. The world has evolved. Are we really too closed minded to believe that God hasn't evolved with it? As long as our basic morals, ethics and belief in God is the same, do we really think that he judges us and condemns us for evolving our faith to match the evolution of the world? I, personally, do not. I believe that as long as I love God, put my faith and trust in Him, He will be there for me.
  
"Where you are right now is God's place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life."

  I do not know where this quote came from but it is exactly how I feel. I love my life. I love my fiancée. I love my children. I love God. I know that where I am right now is absolutely God's place for me. He has had a plan for me all along. Even when I thought I was making the worst mistakes of my life, all I was doing was learning and growing and becoming the exact person I was meant to be with the exact life I was meant to have. My everyday life is not perfect. Everyday there is a new obstacle for us to over come. I wouldn't trade a single one of those obstacles for anything. There is no where in the world I would rather be than right here, in God's place for me. So let people judge. Let them think whatever they want to think. Let them believe whatever they want to believe. I don't want to care what other people think of me. I am living my life the way I believe it needs to be lived. You see, the truth is, only God can judge me.....

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