Ironically enough, just this morning is a fantastic example of why friends are so important. My mom and I got into a huge fight this morning. I have a pretty bad temper sometimes. I can keep calm and not flip out in any professional environment but when it comes to someone attacking my personal life, I lose it. Especially at my mom because I know that no matter what happens, her and I will always be ok in the end. Needless to say, my mom said some things that really hit the spot. I lost my temper and said some really mean things in response. So I felt angry, hurt, sad and guilty all at the same time. I didn't know what to do with all of these emotions. I didn't really feel like it was a conversation that I could share with James. It's not that I want to keep it from him but it would just make him angry at her too and their relationship isn't as easily repairable as hers and mine is. I couldn't talk to my brother about it because I know it would just start a fight between him and I as well and I certainly didn't want that. So, I texted a friend.
It was an extremely personal situation that I couldn't just talk to anyone about. It was almost something I wasn't even sure I wanted to say it to my best friend. But I knew that she would never judge me. I knew that she would listen, give me her opinion and calm me down. That was exactly what happened. She told me I had overreacted and that I should apologize even though I didn't want to. So, I did.
The fight ended and I realized that I couldn't go a single day without knowing that my friends are there for me. I couldn't be more grateful for the friends I can count on every single day. The friends that understand that I have a family and children that are going to come first to me, no matter what. I think a lot of parents have a hard time keeping friends when they have kids because their friends don't understand. A lot of times, if people don't have kids of their own, they don't understand your priorities. I also understand there are absolutely times where you just need a friend and don't want the distraction of children. I need those times just as much, if not more, than that people that don't have children! Every once in a while, a dinner date and a walk around Target with no kids is the most amazing stress release.
I think one of the hardest things about being a parent is finding a balance. A balance between work, family, friends and yourself. I still have not mastered the balance. I am honestly pretty sure that I never will. But I do try. There are a few things that have helped me make balancing things a little easier when it comes to my free time and choosing between plans with friends or my family. One of them is can I bring the kids with me? If a friend wants to go out or have me come over and I feel like I haven't spent much time with my kids in the past few days, I am going to bring my kids with me or invite my friend to come to my house to spend time with all of us. If for any reason, I feel like I'm missing my kids and feeling guilty about it, I am going to say no, cancel plans, or bring the kids with me. I expect my friends to understand that. If you're going to get upset with me for putting my kids first, then honestly, you're not a very good friend to begin with. Of course there are those times where it is an obligation that you can't cancel or bring the kids and you're going to end up feeling guilty regardless. That is part of being an adult and a parent. It's incredibly frustrating. One of the other things that is extremely helpful is having a job that is semi-flexible with hours and an understanding boss. I have known my boss and been working for him since I was 17 years old. I have moved up in the company with him over the past 10 years. He has been there for both pregnancies, visited both my children in the hospital when they were born, and is relatively understanding when it comes to my needs for time off. It isn't always a cake walk. He has a lot of other employees that he needs to please as well. I just have to remind myself (very regularly) that he does try to do what he can to give me the most possible time with my family that he can. I consider him a great friend as well.
Being a parent is nothing but a balancing act. Heck, being an adult is nothing but a balancing act! I just know that for me, I need to balance my friends in there as well. I need them in my life to keep me sane and help me with my day to day woes. Truthfully, I LOVE being there for them as well. I love feeling needed and helpful and listening to their issues as well. I need that in my life just as much as I need them to listen to me.
I couldn't be more grateful for my friends. So in this lovely November month of giving thanks, today I am thankful for my friends. I think I will try and do something today to let them know how much I appreciate them and need them in my life. Other than this blog post of course... ;)
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