There are so many things we want to make sure we say to our children before they're too old to listen to us. I don't want to get to the "my parents don't know anything stage" before I instill some very important values in them. There are many obvious ones but I want to try and get them to learn from my mistakes. I know that is not an easy task. I know I never wanted to listen to my parents when they told me all of the things they wished they had done differently. So here are some things that I hope I can teach my kids before they're too old to care what mom has to say.
To my two beautiful children:
1) Go to college.
I didn't and I
regret it. Someday I would like to go back. Someday I would like to further my
education and make the most out of it. Right now, I just want to make sure you
know how important your education is. I want you to embrace every second of
learning. I know it won't be easy. I know that school seems overwhelming and
redundant at times but school is important. Learning is important. Getting a
degree in anything that you want is important. You can do anything you set your
mind to. You can be anything you want to be. Educate yourself first and then
make the decision that is right for you.
2) You are beautiful/ handsome inside and out.
No matter what
you look like on the outside you are perfect just the way you are. You are as
God made you and nothing about that is wrong. You are kind, funny, smart and
amazing. Your inner beauty is far more important than anything else. Regardless
of that, you are beautiful/ handsome no matter what society says. Society
cannot decide for you what beauty is. Only you can make that decision. It is
all in how you look at it. You decide how you choose to see yourself, other
people and the world. You and only you.
3) Hate is the worst thing you can do.
It may seem
obvious to you that I am saying this. You probably want to roll your eyes at me
and tell me you already know that but there is so much more to it than that.
Hate is something that consumes you. Hate is the only thing that can change the
person that you are. Hatred of yourself. Hatred of others. Hatred of a
situation. Hatred of life. Do not hate anything. Forgive everyone, no matter
what. You don't have to be someone's friend or trust them if they've hurt you, but
do not hold onto any ill feelings you have toward them. Forgive yourself.
You're going to screw up. You're going to make a mess of things. You will do
things differently next time. You can change the things you don't like. Do not
hold onto hate. Hate will consume all that you are and you are worth so much
more than that.
4) Never be afraid to say no.
I am not naive.
I've been there. You're going to be asked to do things that you may be unsure
about. If you're unsure, do not be afraid to say no. One thing I will never
regret is that I am not and have not ever been afraid to say no. If I didn't
want to, if I wasn't ready, if I felt unsure or unsafe, I said no. Just like
that. Things are out there. They're enticing you to try them. Do not do it
until you are ready. Do not do it unless you want to. Never do anything unless
you are being safe. Never put pressure on yourself or others to do anything. Do
not allow others to pressure you. It doesn't matter what people think. If your friends
or significant other are upset in any way that you are saying no, fuck them!
They don't deserve you in their life. You're better than that and you CAN say
no until you are good and ready to say yes. If you wait, for all of it, until
you are completely ready, the experience is going to be that much better!
5) Don't judge.
It is embedded in
human nature to judge people that don't do things the way that we think they
should. That is not for us to decide. Everyone makes choices, good and bad, for
themselves for so many different reasons. Ignore the stereo-types that people
tend to indulge in. That is no way to live your life. Form your own opinions of
people based on the person and not how they look, dress, what their size is,
what extra curricular activities they do. None of those things define a person.
So don't pretend that you know everything about someone based on one quick
glance into their life. Get to know the real person before making a decision
about who they are. You are going to make more real and lasting friendships by
getting to know people instead of being mean.
6) Follow your own
instincts.
Embrace your own
thoughts. Form your own opinions. Ignore the negative and find the positive in
everyone and everything. Don't follow the crowd. Be a leader. It won't always
be easy to do but I promise you that it will be worth it. You will be a happier
and more pleasant person for it. You will be a better person for it.
7) The people that are mean to you are not worth your time.
You're going to
come across them your whole life. Middle school. High school. Adulthood. At
this point, probably even elementary school. They do not matter. They will come
and go. They will put you down. They will hurt your feelings. They will make
you sad. They will make you feel like your worst self. What you need to
remember is that they cannot break who you are unless you let them. So don't.
Be you. Stay positive. Forgive them even though they don't deserve it. It
happens to everyone. Those people are not worth the effort or negative energy
that you're going to be tempted to give them.
8) Vanity and over-confidence are not becoming for anyone.
Feel good about
yourself but don't spend hours in the mirror obsessing over how you look. Be
confident but not boastful. Beauty is on the inside. Beauty is how you act and
treat other people. True beauty cannot be found in the mirror. People that
truly love and care about you don't care what you look like. They don't want to
listen to you boast about yourself. They want the real you. The true you. The
deep, meaningful, core of you.
9) Forever friends are hard to come by.
You are going to
have so many friends come in and out of your life. There will be so many people
that say they want to be there for you and then disappear when things get
rough. The people that never leave your side, no matter how rough life gets,
those are the people you need to keep in your life. There will be a lot of
people who are fun to be around but in the long run the fun will fade and there
will be no one there when you need someone to stand beside you. Also, always be
a forever friend. No matter who the person is or what they have done for you,
if someone needs you and you can be there for them, do it. Be a best friend to
everyone that you can because everyone deserves someone.
10) Bad days suck but they make the good days so much
better!
You're gonna have
bad days. You're gonna have a lot of bad days. You're probably going to have a
lot of bad days in a row at times. Without the bad days, the good days wouldn't
feel nearly as good. Muddle through the bad days knowing that a good day is on
it's way and it's going to feel like the best day you've ever had!
11) Life isn't about material things.
Life isn't about
expensive cars, houses or vacations. Those things are all nice but they don't
make you a good or better person than anyone else. Life is about family. Life
is about real friends. Life is about love. Life is about finding your happy.
12) No matter what your Dad and I are here for you.
You're going to
do bad things. You're going to do great things. You're going to make bad
choices. You're going to make good choices. You're going to be sad. You're
going to be happy. You're going to make mistakes. You're going to fix things.
There are a million ups and downs in life and your Dad and I will be here for
all of them. No matter how old you get, no matter how horrible what you have
done is, we are here to listen and help. You may not believe it but we have
been through almost anything that you can imagine and we understand. You can
come to us with absolutely anything. This is also my promise to you that if
it's really bad and you come to me, I will not get mad and blow up at you for
the first time you make a mistake. I will assume you have learned your lesson
because you had to come to me with your tail between your legs and I know that
won't be easy for you.
13) I love you unconditionally.
There is nothing
more important than this last one. I will love you no matter what you do. I
will love you no matter what you say. I will love you no matter how much you
dislike me at any given moment. There will be times that we dislike each other.
We are going to fight. We are going to scream. We are going to want to punch
each other in the face. There will never be even a moment, through all of it,
that I don't love you. You are the most important things in my life and I love
you with every ounce of my being. No matter what, even if you forget every
other thing I have ever told you, never forget this. I love you.
Love always,
Mom
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