Reasons to be Thankful

    I think sometimes the holidays tend to get lost in all the hustle and bustle. The traveling, the food, the preparations, the decorations, the lights, etc. etc. etc. I, personally, worked a lot of holidays, just wanting the holiday pay and not caring about the holiday itself. That all changed once I had a family of my own. Now I can't imagine having to go to work on a holiday. Especially now that Gabe knows what they are! I had to work two Christmases ago when he was 3 and he just kept asking me why I had to leave him on Christmas. I literally bawled the entire way to work and probably for most of my shift. I never want to have to do that again. If I had to work I would make due, but I am lucky enough to have people around me who understand that I have young children and don't mind working themselves.
   Since that dreadful Christmas night going to work, I have vowed to embrace the holidays and enjoy every minute that I can with my family and friends. Since it is Thanksgiving, I want to take some time to list some of the things I am thankful for. I want to try and do this every year so that I can look at the past years things and compare them. I want to list whatever I am thinking, no matter how big or small it is.

I am thankful for....

- my kids, obviously.
- my fiancé, even when I want to punch him.
- my friends because they're always there for me and they're awesome!
- my family. Even when they're on my last nerve I know it's because they love me and have my best interest at heart.
- my best friend and all the time she makes for me in so many ways.
- snail mail because it always lifts my spirits
- my bed because the sheets are so soft, the comforter is so comfy and it's oh so warm and snuggly.
- Sophia's baby smell. It literally calms me every time I smell her.
- my car starter and seat warmers. It has been so cold and windy. It's so nice to get into a warm car!
- movies. Even though it makes work crazy I love it when a good movie comes out.
- my work. I would lose it if I couldn't get out of the house. Plus, I enjoy my job.
- hot showers. Sometimes I can't even function and a hot shower cures all.
- Starbucks peppermint mocha lattes. Enough said.
- lavender vanilla Yankee Candles. They're so relaxing.
- the feeling that Christmas season is here!
- my cats. They're so cuddly and needy and I give me so much love when I need it.
- my faith. It keeps me rational when I just want to freak out.
- the feeling of a good change potentially coming soon. Change can be so good sometimes!
- football. Everything about football makes me happy... except when the Patriots lose.
- my Patriots snuggie. I love love love it!
- music.
- texting. Keeping in touch via constant texting is such a wonderful tool.
- facebook and instagram. It's a silly feeling but getting a notification is awesome!
- smartphones.
- this blog. It really gives me, me time even just for a brief second and I love to write!


There are a million things I am thankful for so I think I will stop there! Take some time today to think about all that you are thankful for!

You are enough.

    A friend posted this article on my facebook wall today, about and by my favorite actress, Sophia Bush (pictured above from my favorite TV show One Tree Hill). I absolutely love her because of all of the things she stands for and does. There were so many amazing things about this article that I fell in love with. Self wealth is such a big thing. Everyone seems to think that life is about having a lot of expensive things and that it makes you a worthy person. Why is that how we define ourselves and other people? Why do we judge people based on what they drive, or text with, or carry their kids diapers in? Why do we let our fears define and mold our lives?
   I, myself, have a very nice car, a nice android HTC smart phone, decent clothes and jewelry and I wondered, do I define myself by the things that I have? Do I need these things to be happy? So I wanted to share some things that make me feel like the wealthiest person in the world and give me all the self worth that I could need.

1) My kids. Every time I see them smile, hear them laugh, or watch them accomplish something new, I could not feel more self worth. There is nothing that makes me feel more important than when I am shaping the lives of my children. I love my children more than anything and I don't really need anything to give me more self worth than that.
2) My fiancé. The way he looks at me and the little things that he says or does to show me that he loves me still make my heart skip a beat, even after 6 years together. He drives me absolutely crazy and insane and makes me want to punch him at times, but the love that we share is greater than any love I've ever experienced (with the exception of my children).
3) My family and friends. Having a support system that is always there to help me, no matter what the circumstance, is an incredible feeling. It makes me feel like I must be doing something right to keep these people in my life and have them be so amazing to me. It makes me appreciate each and every person in my life in a different way.
4) My job. My job is by no means glorious. Yet it makes me feel good about myself. Not because I feel empowered by my title or anything but because I know that I am providing for my family. I don't make a lot of money but I do make enough to provide a roof over our heads and put food on the table. I also know that in my position I am teaching my employees how to be good workers and, I hope, inspiring them to be better people. I hope that the way I treat them and the customers inspires them to treat other people well and just enjoy what they do, no matter what it is.
5) Myself. I have always been pretty good at being myself. I am who I am. I tell the truth. I'm a goofball. I'm sarastic and silly and probably a little overbearing. But I love who I am and embrace it. I'm not saying I don't have moments of self doubt but I try to live my life in a way I can be proud of. A way that is uniquely me.
6) This blog. It may sound silly but this blog is the first thing I have consistently done in a long time that is 100% for me. It is a way for me to express myself and get out some of my feelings. It feels good to have things to say and stories to tell and I hope that at least one person who reads this gets something out of it each time.
   There are a lot of areas of self wealth and self worth I need to work on. The biggest one for me is my self image. 99% of the time I am not confident in my own skin. I am constantly judging my appearance and weight and thinking I am not good enough. It has kept me from doing a lot of things that probably would have made me happy. When you are not confident in your appearance you can't really be confident in yourself. What you look like shouldn't even matter in regards to who you are and what you do. Plus, I am beautiful in my own way. I will never be in the Victoria Secret Fashion show but I should be able to look at myself and feel good. I am a mom with two gorgeous children. That should be enough to make me see how beautiful I really am. They make me beautiful in a million different ways. My personality makes me beautiful in a million different ways. Beauty is what you make it. And I am beautiful.
   Self wealth and self worth are something we all should stop and take some time to think about. Self wealth isn't about money or material things. It's about who you are and the people you surround yourself with. I'm pretty sure I've said it before and I will say it again... just do you. Don't worry about what people think or what they're doing. Do what feels right to you and be the best person you can be. What you have is enough. What you do is enough. Who you are is enough. You are enough.

Enjoy the ride

    All day yesterday I was feeling a little guilty. I had plans to take the kids to a friends about an hour and a half away after she got home from school around 5. I planned to get there at 5 but knew that it would be past Gabe's bed time by the time we left to go home and it was a school night. Not only did I really want to see my friend but we were taking Christmas photos of the kids and this was probably our last opportunity before it got too far into the Christmas season. I have to get those Christmas cards made so I can send them out! All day I had this terrible guilt looming over my head. I told myself it was just one night, I wasn't being selfish and that he would be fine.
    It was 8:30 by the time we started to head home. Sophia was asleep before we left the parking garage. Gabe was getting there very quickly. Looking at the clock a wave of guilt, yet again, washed over me. Then my phone lit up and I could see the new wallpaper I had just put on it. (The actual pictures that my friend took are going to be a million times better but here's one that I took) This is what I saw.

 

   The feeling of guilt went away and some new feelings replaced it. Peace. Love. Joy. I realized that I can never get these moments back with the kids at this exact age, at this exact moment, during this exact season. Sure, there will be other Christmases. Yes, there will be other picture opportunities. But there will never be another today. Another, first Christmas for Soph and 6th Christmas for Gabe. They will never be at the stages they are now, together, as a brother and sister, the way they are now.
   It was one night. One special night we got to spend together and do something fun and memorable. I am not saying that I will keep Gabe out past his bed time every night but I don't regret doing it last night. The best part is, they both slept the whole car ride home, Gabe went right into bed when we got home, and then woke up this morning with no issues. He was in a fantastic mood as he went off to school.
   I think most of the time you have to follow the rules and structure of your everyday life. I also think that sometimes you just have to live in the moment and embrace every single second that you can. People are not supposed to feel guilty for enjoying their time! (I really need to work on that) Rules are meant to be broken. Life is meant to be lived! Everything goes by so fast and we're always run, run, running to the next thing. Sometimes you just need to slow down, take a drive to a friends with two (yes two) venti peppermint mocha lattes, a marshmallow dream bar for Gabe, a sleeping Sophia and enjoy the ride. Enjoying the ride... isn't that half the battle?

(Sneak peak of the photos taken by my friend! SO adorable!)