Every moment matters

      My focus right now is just on enjoying the little things in life. There are moments every single day that I miss that could change my mood or perception of any given situation. There are also a lot of things in all of our lives that we tend to take for granted every day. Here are a few of my 2015 favorite things so far...

My Disney Thomas Kinkade calender that I got for Christmas from a friend. It's one of the first things I see in the morning, I walk by it constantly and I am just head over heels with it. I love the detail and the beauty and color and just the overall magic he brings out of something that was already magical.

This everyday moments book (from the same friend as the calendar posted above) has been wonderful. It's a way to look back on each and every day and find the positives in all of it. Even if it felt like a bad day, or an unproductive day, there is some good moment somewhere to be remembered.

I love her. She loves who she is. She knows who she is. She is amazing and also HILARIOUS. I agree with this quote whole heartedly. I have always been the type of person who doesn't care much for what other people think of me. Of course the opinions of my friends and family matter to me but as long as I know what I am doing and I love myself... that is all that really matters.

Ok, so I got a tablet for Christmas. It's a Windows tablet and it has this AMAZING thing called One Note. Ok, maybe I'm living in the ice age here but I had no idea this existed. I AM IN LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!!!! I can make to do lists on it or on the app for one note on my phone and it all syncs and I can check things off as I go. I cannot stop. I am definitely a crazy list person but I hate carrying notebooks or losing scraps of paper I write things down on. I also hate not being able to check things off of a list. In the past if I made a list on my phone I would delete each task when it was done but then I can't go back and look at all that I have accomplished. This lets me make a list, check things off and keep it. I have never been more excited!

Of course, my children. A day will never go by when I do not appreciate every single moment with them. Yes, they can be difficult. Yes, sometimes I do need to get away or take a breather. But no matter what, I love every thing that they do and all the crazy things that they say. Sure, Sophia may draw all over EVERYTHING with whatever writing utensil she somehow gets a hold of no matter how high up I put them. Yet, these are moments that I wouldn't trade for a second. Every moment with them matters. Every second with them makes me a better person. There are no two people I love more in this world than these little goons. 

     These are a few of the things that have made the start of my 2015 better. I can only imagine how much better this year is going to get! Love, love, love! 

Here's to you 2015

     2015 you bring a promise with you. A promise of new. A promise of better. A promise of life. Life isn't perfect. Life is messy. So messy. And crazy. So crazy. Yet your promise renews a fire in us to become better people. The people that we want to be. So I could make 100 resolutions of which I would probably break at least 75. So instead, this year, this is what I resolve.

  

   Everyday is a new start. Everyday is a new experience. Every day is a new time to do what is right and good. Everyday is a new moment to capture so that you can make the most of this life. This is what I resolve. This is what I choose. I choose to wake up everyday with fresh eyes and a happy heart and open myself up to the possibility of absolutely anything and everything. 

    2014 was full of so much. It was full of pain, sadness, loss and heart break. It was full of traveling, adventuring, new friends, old friends and excitement. 2014 was full of life. There is no other way to explain it. I want 2015 to be full of many of the same things but I want to embrace and enjoy every last second of it. I want to soak it all in. I want to remember every moment and record it into my memory to stay forever. I miss so much by letting life rush right by me and that is what I want to change.

    So 2015, you may be bringing me many new promises but most of all you are full of hope and I hope to be a better me... Here's to you and all of your new promises and resolutions! Happy New Year! Welcome 2015!

I wish....

     It has been almost 2 months since I have written. So many things have happened. Mostly great things! We went to Disney, have gone to the river, enjoyed a lot of time with friends. I never want summer to end. I have been soaking up every last ounce of sun that I possibly can between working full time and taking care of household needs (and a lot of that has gone to the wayside as well) I promise I will get back on here and share pictures and stories of all of these events. But today I need to get something out.
     Today I am lost in thought. I had a great day. It was a little bit rocky in the middle because my son threw a bit of a tantrum but we made it through and I truly believe we came out stronger for it in the end. I will take a tantrum and having to punish him every single day over having to deal with all of the things on my mind.
     Last night some dear friends of mine lost their 12 year old Godson to a fight with a rare heart disease. (For more of his story click here) I can't even begin to imagine their pain or the pain of the parents of this child. It kills me deep inside to think of the loss these people are feeling. I cannot explain how becoming a parent connects you to all other parents. Sure, there are gaps and everyone's parenting styles are different but every parent I know loves their children more than life itself and just thinking about someone losing one makes my heart break into a million pieces over and over again. In March we lost a member of our family. My fiances nephew. Seeing his brother and sister in law and niece and the rest of the people that I have come to love and cherish as my own family broke me in a way I didn't know it could. When I was a senior in high school, I lost my baby cousin to a choking incident. He was one year old. A teeny little baby who had so much light and happiness in him. He filled our lives with joy much like any child does. Watching my aunt and uncle at his funeral killed me. The look of devastation on their faces was one that will stay in my soul for all of eternity. The 2 more recent events were no different. Every loss that we are faced with changes us. Every time that we lose someone so dear to our hearts something in our world shifts. Every time we have to stop and re-evaluate all of the things in our lives. Every time we change. 
     Not a day has gone by that I haven't thought about James' nephew and family. Not a day has gone by that I haven't thought about my own family and our own struggle all of those years ago. Not a day goes by that I don't think about and miss my grandparents and even James' Mom who I never met. Deep inside of me are these things that surface every so often just enough for me to remember just how damn lucky I am. I am not perfect. I may think of these things and choose not to reflect on them because it is far too painful. Today, I have done nothing but reflect. Today, my life will be forever changed, again. Today is a day to remember. Every day is a day to remember.
     I know I would be a different person if all of these things hadn't happened and affected my life. I just have to wonder why these horrible things happen to good people. People who work hard and are honest and loving and kind. I know that we all ask ourselves these questions. I know that I will never get the answers. I also know that I can't help but think them. I can't help but feel like life is cruel and unfair and that the more devious and deceitful you are, the more you gain. That makes me sad. It makes me so incredibly sad.
     Today, I am thankful, grateful and happy for all the amazing, wonderful things and people I have in my life. Today I am sad, regretful and distressed for all of the wonderful, amazing people and children that have been lost in our lives. Today, I wish that there was more I could do for the people that I love.